Warning: This is not fake news.
An Indian politician is calling for a police force to be created to protect statues she has erected of herself and her mentors. The chief minister of Uttar Pradesh state, Mayawati, says her political opponents want to demolish the statues. A bill proposing the force has been introduced in the state assembly, to be debated at a later date.
Yes, pick up your jaw from the floor, sew it back on and then come back for more.
According to the bill tabled in the state assembly, the squad would be named the Special State Security Force. If passed, the bill will give officers powers to detain people they suspect of threatening security near the statues. The initial cost of raising the force is estimated to be 540m rupees ($11.6m; £7.1m). Yearly maintenance would cost 140m rupees ($3m; £1.8m).
That's just dandy.
Maybe if the people of Uttar Pradesh turned into statues, then someone might try to protect them from the criminals?
I could really put a long rant here about how dangerous this woman is to the institution of democracy or how she doesn't give a rat's ass about her constituents.
But what's the point?
She's like Marie Antoinette who wanted the hungry people in her kingdom to eat cake, instead of bread. She's like Colonel Jessop and probably thinks that we can't handle the truth. She's like Arthur Kirkland and believes that it's not her but everyone else who is out of order.
She's like the ugly zit on your face which no amount of make-up can hide. She's like Angela Petrelli from Heroes, responsible for everything bad that occurs, but still getting away with zero percent of the blame.
She's like . . . wait, you get the idea!