The great Indian demographic: Part 1

The Indian demographic can be really hard to understand sometimes. So here is an attempt by the author to help people understand the mind of the Indian 20-30 year olds.

BumBhai

Male. Does not shave the stubble. Wears a brown vest in place of a t-shirt. The jeans are old and tattered. Wears a black dhaga with a photo of Ganesh/Kali Maa. Has not held a steady job all his life. Went to government school. Failed 5^th grade 6 times or stopped going to school after class 8^th. In some cases, not gone to school at all.

Participates in Ganesh Chaturthi, drinks bhang on holi, attends political rallies for Shiv Sena/MNS. Thinks he is God’s gift to women. According to him, the only way to pato a girl is to insult her in public. Loves Mailka Sherawat but wants to marry someone like Tulsi. Ends up marrying a Christain nurse from Kerela.

Music: Rangeela, Satya, Yuva

Small Town Sistas

Female. Family originally from small town/village. Now living in the big city. Very strict family. Cannot even think about boys. Is convinced that sex is for the devil. Does not know how children are born even at the age of 25. Believes that reading cosmopolitan and watching the bold and the beautiful is amoral and only for bad girls. Reads cosmopolitan and watches the bold and the beautiful when her parents are out to visit relatives. Other wise only has grahshobha on her shelf. Shares room with other 3 sisters. Wants to marry Dev Anand/Raj Kapur/Suniel Shetty. Big fan of Indian Idol and K serials. Knows the BhagvadGita by heart.

Has not spoken to a guy all her life. First time she speaks to her husband is at the suhagraat when she asks him to sleep on the sofa. Is married of straight after school or the first day of college. Does not let her husband touch her breasts for the first few years of marrige. Has a child before her first anniversary. Believes that pati is parmeshwar.

Ends up making her daughter an exact clone of herself.

Music: Jai Santoshi Maa, Jagit Singh Bhajans, Yash Raj Music

Punjabi Phiter

Male. A few thousand present in almost every city. Except the state of Bihar. Will draw sword over a marie biscuit. Wants to migrate to London/Toronto. Ends up opening a factory manufacturing nylons, if is unable to migrate. Will never talk to the girl he falls in love with. Acts like a pig to impress her. Even follows her home on his bullet motorbike. Knows which flavor of Ice cream she likes. Will end up marrying the girl’s neighbor. His idea of a romantic evening: Butter chicken with Naan. Big fan of Yuvraj Singh, Harbhajan Singh. Will pray for the Great Khali. Wants to be the Aamir Khan character from RDB but ends up as the Anil Kapoor character from Biwi No. 1 .

Music: Gurdas Mann, Jazzy B, Daler Mehndi, Juggy D, Mika

The Medha Phar-kar

Female. Born activist. Will always fight for equal rights. Will be the only one not attending the senior prom/farewell party. Will be the editor of the school magazine/newspaper. Has been bought up to believe by her activist unmarried aunt that all men are pigs and only want one thing. Sends sarees to Malika Sherawat’s house.

Will have enough income left by her dad and dead aunt to be able to work in an NGO. After the age of 40, will then move into a summer house in Kasauli/Mussori/Simla. President of the Shabana Aazmi fan club. Will go no on news channels and get hysterical in a discussion with the BJP spokesperson about the plight of female frogs in Faridabad. Will most certainly remain a spinster all her life but will experiment with Lesbianism from the ages of 30 to 40. Drives a Maruti Van or her dad’s refurbished fiat car.

TV: Rajini
Music: Abba, Queen, Lajja, Fire

The Hip Hop Hommie

Male. Dad with export/import business. Or a hotel. Wants to be an Investment banker/pilot/businessman. Wears jerseys and bandanas purchased on summer vacations in the US. Cheap Indian underwear is always showing because of low cut denims. Wears reeboks to school. Also wears silver chain around neck. Wants a gold tooth for his next birthday. Failed in Class 11. Does class 12 boards through correspondence. Will go to a university in the US. Uses an iMac. Refers to his friends as “Dawg” and/or “hommies”. Will call his girlfriend bitch or ho in front of his home boys. In private will call her Jannu. Has only hip/hop rap music on his iPod. When alone, listens to ghazals by Pankaj Udhas and Jagjit Singh. Will come back from the US to marry a small town Gujrati girl.

Will technically remain a virgin till marriage.

The wannabe Rock-Roadie

Female. Paints nails black. Streaked the tips of her hair red which she thinks is cool but because of which her dad does not talk to her for a year. Only make up she wears is a black eyeliner. Believes it’s cool to talk about sex. Has a poster of Keith Cobain in her room. Wants a subscription to Rolling Stone for her next birthday. Attends all Pink Floyd / Eagles reunion shows in Bombay and Bangalore. Works for an advertising company or is a voice an accent trainer in a call center. Will want to be an actress. After two failed gigs while trying to become an actress, ends up as a VJ on mh one Punjabi.
Will have a crush on the lead singer of the school band. Will dump him after the second date. Has more guy friends then girlfriends. Is one of the boys. Other girls are jealous of her because all the guys want her. Is called a “slut” behind her back. Can kick the BumBhai’s ass. Ends up with a younger guy who lives of her salary. Hates people who like Bryan Adams.

Music: Eagles, AC/DC, Pink Floyd